My neighbourhood: the house of pain

Before coming to Japan I was told that most of the action and noise at night in the suburbs happens round the stations and that if you live beyond this, even a 5 minute walk, you will find a respectful silence.

Maybe that's some other Japan because it sure as hell ain't the one I live in.

One one side we have the Screamers; a couple whose nighttime and daytime arguments can go on for 3 hours - and every minute of that is spent at 100% intensity. Funnily enough nothing's been heard from them in a while so we both suspect murder has occurred. Anyway, there are no bad smells so far.

On the other side we have the Slammers. They don't know how to close doors in a normal way; only slamming will do. It's like Dallas. Not the place, the TV show. Pathetic.

Last night some woman living above us chose to have a phone conversation on her balcony that stretched way beyond midnight in that whining, pleading way that is heard so much round here. So, whilst the g-friend, who also goes by the name of Timorous Beastie, was happily snoring away, I, far beyond exhaustion from my very silly job, was lying there awake pondering on all the nasty things I could do to some of these disrespectful neighbourhood freaks. But, as Ivan Klima once said to me; live a full life but don't do anything that will give them an excuse to put you in prison. And so I lay there quietly stewing.

Then there is spawn of Satan; a 2 or 3 year old child who screams violently at her mother up and down the street, in the corridors, at night, in the car, everywhere in fact. They try to get her to go out; she screams, they try to get her out of the car into the house; she screams. Not just any old screams, mind you, I mean violent, blood curdling, snot bursting ones. This girl is a MANIAC and she needs help.

And, to add insult to this tortured soul (me, I mean), we live a stone's throw from a junior high school; only this is no ordinary school, unless torture is practised on teenagers in the education system here. For that is what SOUNDS like is going on; high pitched terrified screams, constant squawks, strangulations, bangs and slaps. At first I thought it was just break time; hell, even I strangled a few people at break time! But no, this violence happens at very random times. The other day some of the kids started waving a white flag at Beastie and me as I was leaving the flat. I thought that maybe they were trying to send us a message; get me out of here? Me too.