Allah found in piece of meat

So, a Nigerian restaurant has found several pieces of meat bearing the name 'Allah' (there are machines that can do that, you know).

"When the writings were discovered there were some Islamic scholars who came and ate here and they all commented that it was a sign to show that Islam is the only true religion for mankind," he said. Well fuck me, so that's what the gristle is telling us?

Yeah, right. An all-powerful god couldn't have picked a rather more prestigious way of communicating? This will go down with the 'Mother Teresa in a cinnamon bun', 'Jesus Christ on a fence' (which gave a much-needed boost to the local tourist industry), and who could forget the image of Jesus in the 'Miracle Chipati'? Or the tropical fish with the markings of Allah? Or that Allah communicated through a tomato?

I think what all these things say about humans is: grow up and stop being so pathetic and desperate. If there were supreme beings (and there is zero evidence here) they would surely have more power than to communicate through cakes.

Japan does NOT have a population timebomb

Honestly, there are scare tactics at the moment highlighting the fact that the Japanese population is in decline as a result of its very low birthrates. However, the reason for this is the post war baby boom when families would have 10 or more children. So, the population timebomb is not a timebomb but a return to reason. Japan is a small, mountainous country with a population of 123 million squeezed into the flat habitable lands along or near the coasts.

I would argue that the expected dramatic fall in population in Japan is a very positive thing. Go to Japan - admire its beauty, and gasp at the sheer crush of people. There are far too many people in Japan, and I think the best direction the population can go in is down. The so-called timebomb is the problem with taxation - i.e. how will they pay the pensions of all the old people. Clearly there will be a transition period of a generation or more when things are going to be more difficult, but there are things that can be done:

Increase the price of cigarettes by 500% to be staggered over a decade. In Japan cigarettes are no more expensive than sweets and they are smoked constantly for there is no financial reason not to. This is revolting and unpleasant for the majority of people who don't have their lives controlled by cancerous weed. It might ween some dozy prats off the habit at the same time as helping to pay for cancer treatment.

Increase taxes on alcohol.

Increase petrol tax - petrol in Japan is far cheaper than in Europe.

Increase the retirement age from 60 to 65 or even 67. Japanese people are not much past their prime when they are asked to retire, which is frankly absurd. How can a country continue to pay people for 25 years of retirement, on average.

Increase immigration, in a controlled way.

Increase taxes, especially on things which are bad for us, such as fast food.

Increase taxes on air travel, and pump that money into renewable resources.

Increase people's awareness that it is them, not simply the state, who is in charge of their lives, including their ability to save for their retirement.

If in 50 years there are 25 million less Japanese then it will be a far more pleasant place to live. It will also go some way to being more prepared for the catastrophic climate change that is already upon us. Timebomb my arse. Here's to reason descending upon us.

Another religious lunatic bites the dust

So a female Jehovah's witness signed a form refusing a blood transfusion shortly before giving birth to twins, then died from a loss of blood. My first point would be: it doesn't mention blood transfusions in the bible because they didn't exist at that time. It does say that you shouldn't ingest blood - which is different as they clearly were trying to ween certain people off blood sucking, right?

It also said in the bible that slavery was OK, but you wouldn't accept that in the modern world, would you? Apparently hospitals now have to have Jehovah's Witness liaison people in times like this. I think we'd be better off simply calling them murderers.

Still, I hope they're happy now that they got what they wanted. And good luck to the father in rearing those children on his own.

England head down the pan once more... only earlier

I'm not talking about the rugby team who excelled themselves in grit, determination and team spirit.

Nope, I'm talking about the usual bunch of overpaid whining losers that constitute the English national football team. OK, England were unlucky in Russia, to some extent, but they were also guilty of the usual tactical naivety and sheer foolishness that seems inherent in everything they do. NO other international team of repute gives the ball away with such abandon - it's as if each time they say "here's the ball back - have another try." You cannot hope to win against teams who know what to do once they've got the ball = sooner or later they're going to score, as happened against Russia last week.

More to the point, we don't seem to have gameplans that reflect realities. We are often reduced to hoofing it forward in hope rather than building a solid passing game and moving the ball forward whilst retaining possession. This is what the great teams do - all we need to do is watch France, Italy and Germany play to appreciate this.

Also, we often find that stars make it in to the team whether they're playing well or not - that's no way to win. You pick a well balanced team that also reflects who you're playing against. Obviously when playing Brazil you need a more defensive team to reflect the opposition's amazing attacking skills. And against Andorra, you need an attacking team as you're not going to be under attack much. Also, you need a goalkeeper who has the respect of players, not a nervous wreck who makes mistakes in every game and no longer deserves to play.

So, in a group that England really should have walked through with one eye closed they now find themselves on the brink of missing the European championship in its entirety. Why? Because we couldn't even beat Macedonia at home. We played like amateurs. Why? Primarily the blame has to rest on the manager, Steve McClaren, who it has to be said does not have the qualifications for the job - he has always been second rate, and under Eriksson he was an awful coach with failed tactics stretching back 6 years. So why did the FA pick him? Probably because they are equally inept at understanding the demands of the modern game. We need a manager who has proved himself as a good tactician, such as Martin O'Neil, not someone who can simply impress in powerpoint demonstrations.

SO, if England fail to qualify my anger will be tempered by the fact that the manager was a wretched choice, and that players on 200 times the average salary of the country of their birth are spoilt and overrated. Boohoo? Not really.

Climbing Mt. Fuji is no walk in the park

After talking the talk for a good few years me and an ex-colleague decided on a hike up Mt Fuji. I'd been in training in the months before up are 3000 metres but had pulled a leg muscle 10 days before so wasn't feeling to great. My colleague on the other had never climbed a mountain in his life, though he did go jogging for about 6kms quite regularly.
Still, you hear all the time of grannies clomping up there no problem so for us it seemed like a whole load of fuss..
Anyway, we got the morning bus from Shinjuku - we were lucky we went early as the bastard was stuck in traffic so it took 3 hrs+ instead of less than 2. We got to Fuji's 5th station where we had a hearty lunch of noodles and meat, took some photos of Fuji as it came and went through the mist, then wandered out through the throngs of tourists and gawpers and headed off to the start line.
We both took: full waterproofs, maybe about 5 layers, including sweater, t-shirts and long sleeved shirts. Also combat style trousers with lots of pockets, and walking boots with very thick socks. In our bags we had lots of biscuits and energy bars, and maybe 3-4 half-litre bottles of Pocari sweat, a sort of isotonic energy drink. And cameras, and hats, and I took walking sticks whereas my colleague bought one of those huge long wooden Gandalf the Wizzard walking poles, which he was able to get stamped at each stage of the climb. And finally, torches that can be worn around your waist or head, painkillers for headaches, plasters for blisters. Finally a bit of courage and a positive outlook. Oh, shit, and sun cream for coming back down.
We had planned to set off at 2 but the bus ruined that so it was more like 3 pm when we started.
Our plan was to hike from the 5th stage to the 8th, stay in a hut - reserved beforehand - then wake up at 2am then walk to the summit for the sunrise. It did not go to plan but we bloody did it anyway.
It was mid September so it was less crowded, colder and there were less places open on the climb.
OK, 5th stage to the 6th really is a walk in the park. From Kawaguchiko you can see the bare mountain - but the walk round to the 6th means that the zigzag to the summit with all the ugly huts on the way comes into view. Only then does the scale of this mountain give you a lump in the throat. Still, we were in fine spirits, we took loads of photos and headed on.
The 6th to the 7th is more uphill though it's plain sailing, not slippy or treacherous, just monotonous. By the 7th you feel you've done something and start to think, shit, I can really do this.
The 7th is where the real climb starts - instantly there are big volcanic rocks to climb over and you need to take it slowly and take lots of breaks. Also, the last hour of this was in the dark so we had to put on our headlight torches which strap around, well, your head. Brilliant things - totally essential.
Where we were staying was at the bottom of the 8th stage so when we arrived there at 8pm we were a bit knackered, but rather happy that we'd done well. I had a nagging headache by the middle of the 7th though it wasn't major - I'd had altitude sickness a little a month previously in the Japan alps so thought it was OK.
The hut we stayed in ended up being packed and after dinner of curry rice when the lights went out the snorers started. I've never liked sleeping in big groups - I don't like the smells and the noise. This was worse as the worst snorers were next to us. I woke up about midnight feeling sick and ill, like I was dying to vomit. From about 1:30 people started getting up and heading to the summit - I on the other hand just felt shit so eventually had to go in to the toilets and induce vomiting around 3am. I told Darrel to give me an hour to feel better and drank some cocoa. Miraculously I did indeed start feeling better, and so we were out of there, me still a bit fragile, at about 4am. We were somewhere between the 8th and 9th stage - at the Fujisan hotel - when the sun came up, beautifully it has to be said = we were very lucky with the weather - so we had more cocoa and joined the throng of people welcoming the day.
We then trudged slowly for another 2 hrs 15 to the summit which felt like a long time coming. The last part was tiring as energy was low, but it was exhilerating to keep stopping and looking round at the amazing view of being above the clouds, and for me it felt great as I wasn't vomited any longer and my head had calmed down. To be honest I started to feel brilliant with the sense of achievement at coming at all + not having let my friend down.
We reached the summit at about 8am, and to be honest, seeing the sunset from slightly lower down was great as we missed the stupid rush to the summit and the queues had already gone back down. Also, it had rained during the night and we missed it.
We then walked to the crater seeing as most things like shops and post office were closed. The crater was misty but it was bizarre to look inside it when it started raining quite heavily. We had our waterproofs on already so we were fine. We stood around, made a phone call to wives and girlfriends then started the descent.
This was - barring the vomiting - was the worst part - well, back down to the 8th stage wasn't so bad - we stopped there again for sandwiches and drinks, bit it was from there back to the 6th that was the worst - an interminable zigzag across this barren landscape, over gravel and stones. Boredom got to us and our feet hurt like hell from being pushed up to the ends of our shoes. I even walked down backwards for part of the way.
When we reached the 6th we felt relieved as the last part is mostly on the flat and it gave our legs a break. Darrel gave up near the end, sitting on a log and refusing to move until he was forced to by the need for a piss back at the 5th and my desperate desire to have an ice cream.
We went up in about 7 hrs, down in 4.5, with many stops for breathers and photos. Between us we probably took 300 shots, some of D's skies were amazing.
We hung around, chatted to some people we'd talked to on the way up, then got the bus back to Tokyo. I then got a taxi home as I couldn't walk very well. Ten minutes later I was in the shower then on the sofa, exhausted but sort of delirious.
The next day was OK as I spent it mostly on the sofa. The day after was hellish as I had a busy day at work - particularly painful was going up and down stairs. The day after wasn't so bad, and by the 5th day I was more or less back to normal. Weeks later we both found it hilarious to think that we actually did it, and I still do.

On the way down we talked a lot about never doing it again - especially the monotonous part between the 8th and the 6th. Now, a month later, I have changed my tune - I definitely WANT to do it again, though maybe from the opposite side, and maybe followed by a Japanese hot spring bath. What I wouldn't recommend is getting up in the middle of the night and following the queue to the top for the sunrise - that must be crap. Wait and see it from slightly lower - it's still an amazing sight. You also get more rest that way.

I am already looking forward to doing it, maybe in early July when the huts open for the new season. One person I know here is a hiking fanatic and has climbed it about 10 times - 4 times in one summer.... I will settle for 3 and call it a day.

The sad facts behing Diana's death

The ever-so-creepy Mohammed (al) Fayed's obsession with getting 'justice' in the death of Diana and his son Dodi are dragging on forever and costing us taxpayers another £10 million. And the reason behind it? He says it was an MI6 assassination squad sent to murder them because she was pregnant and due to marry him.
The sad fact is that Fayed is desperately trying to take the heat off himself as it's a proven fact that it was his macho drunken cretin of a French employee who drove them to their deaths. Pretty embarrassing, right?
Also, if you were going to run a large black Mercedes off the road, you'd probably need something bigger than ... a Fiat Uno, which was supposedly the mystery car that apparently partially collided with the Mercedes just before it crashed. It was probably likely that the person driving that car has been too ashamed to come forward, seeing as how they would then be villified by some people forever.
I put the Al in Al Fayed in brackets because Al is a symbol of Arab royalty. Fayed is and was never Arab royalty. He is a sad phoney who pretends to be, and his demented ravings over the sad death of his son and Diana are not going anywhere. I'd like to think that all this nonsense will soon be over and taxpayers money can be spent more usefully.

The President's brain really does go missing

Karl Rove, the eternally creepy architect of the GW Bush catastrophic presidency has decided to quit to 'spend more time with his family' when in fact, like Rumsfeld and that oily heap of shit, Wolfovitz, should be heading for the Hague war crimes tribunal.

Rove stopped at nothing to get Bush into power, including leaking the view that political opponents were gay or mentally ill. He was also the main architect of the idea that American military power would see them roll over the middle east. Shame that he forgot to realise that the American military are useless at wars. One only needs to look at Vietnam to know that it takes more than a limitless supply of bombs dropped on mainly civilian targets to achieve victory.

So, that's one more vicious, violent swine out of the picture. Another year or so and the most disastrous US presidency will come to an end. I plan to have a week long party to celebrate the dawn of another era; one that might not be run by rotten stinking criminals.

Bush's brain goes missing as Karl Rove retires - Independent Online Edition > Americas

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